Welcome to the Bungle
Starmer to announce new cabinet following series of unforced errors.
LONDON: Following a record-breaking streak of own goals, unforced U-turns, and policy pratfalls, Prime Minister Keir Starmer is set to announce a brand-new Cabinet lineup — this time featuring actual muppets.
Sources inside Downing Street say the move is designed to “restore public trust by dramatically lowering expectations.”
“After the MoD leak, we just thought: sod it. Let’s give the job to Bungle. He’s got more gravitas than most of the current front bench — and he's technically house-trained.”
The Bungle Brief
Downing Street has today unveiled The Bungle Brief™ — a “bold new vision for a Britain that no longer understands what it’s doing, but feels very strongly about it anyway.”
The Brief, which sets out the government’s vision for a more inclusive, less coherent society, includes the following plans, some of which have already been implemented:
Additional Measures Under Consideration
Farmers forced to cultivate “more inclusive crops”
New DEFRA guidance will require agricultural land to produce culturally sensitive vegetables. Wheat may be replaced with gender-neutral legumes.School curriculum refresh
GCSE Biology to be taught under the new module “The Body as Construct,” in which pupils reflect on anatomy through feelings and flow.BBC to launch new channel: BBC Identity
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