‘Forever Pride’ Declared as State of Permanent Celebration Begins

Wembley to hold series of rallies and torchlight processions.

London: In a landmark announcement hailed as “the final victory of inclusive values,” the government has unveiled Forever Pride: a permanent rebranding of the nation as a single, unified rainbow.

All major cities will now feature corridors of Progress flags arranged in perfectly symmetrical formation — a dazzling display designed by architectural firm Al Spier & Partners.

The programme launches next week with a series of torchlit affirmation marches, culminating in a mass recitation of Stonewall’s 25 Points of Harmony at Wembley Stadium.

A public denunciation of J.K. Rowling is scheduled midway through the rally. A Two Minutes Hate and ceremonial book bonfire are also being considered, pending health and safety approval.

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Disagreement to be handled sensitively

Citizens expressing unease with Forever Pride may apply for Quiet Reflection Leave, pending mandatory re-sensitisation. (The Islamic community remains exempt.)

Recent participants include a lesbian academic, a gender-critical atheist, and a bisexual man who asked a question.

Internal memos from the Ministry of Visibility describe these measures as “firm but necessary.”

“It’s not a purge,” said a spokesperson. “It’s an aesthetic reordering.”

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Ideological colour-coding

The state has introduced mandatory guidelines for the public sector, including rainbow-coloured lanyards and the proposed adoption of gender-neutral fist salutes at future civic parades.

A spokesperson denied reports that high-heeled jackboots are being considered for formal occasions.

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Forward, with feeling

Critics have suggested the initiative’s reliance on spectacle, uniformity, and public denunciation bears uncomfortable echoes of certain mid-century regimes. Officials declined to comment, but did unveil a new flag before having the critic arrested.

Asked when the celebrations might end, a senior civil servant reportedly laughed and replied, “There are no plans for this to end. Ever.”