Stephen Fry Transitions Into a Metaphor
Beloved polymath completes final evolution from national treasure to ambient ideology.
LONDON: Beloved national institution and occasional person Stephen Fry has announced his latest transformation: from writer and actor to pure metaphor.
In a statement delivered via BBC Radio 4 and gently diffused through a scented candle, Fry explained that his latest incarnation “transcends the constraints of thought, argument, or basic biological reference points” and allows him to float more freely in the warm bathwater of cultural consensus.
“I no longer identify as a man with opinions,” said Fry. “I identify as a sentiment.”
The announcement follows Fry’s recent characterisation of J.K. Rowling as “radicalised,” a term typically reserved for people who want to blow up trains, but now apparently extended to women who can define the word “woman.”
Sources close to Fry say he has not read anything Rowling has written since The Goblet of Fire, but was assured by several friends in Hampstead that she had “gone quite Daily Mail,” which is the north London term for heresy.
“It’s more important to be effective than to be right,” Fry continued. “I’ve always said that.”
Asked whether he believed in freedom of speech for those he disagrees with, Fry replied, “Absolutely. Provided they don’t upset anyone I’ve had lunch with.”
In his new role as a free-floating cultural metaphor, Fry will no longer be engaging in public debate, but will instead be projected into the sky during moments of national discomfort, like a soft-spoken Bat-Signal.