Singapore Uses UK Foreign Aid to Buy Isle of Wight
UK funds climate future by selling bits of itself to countries that work.
SINGAPORE: Officials have confirmed that the £70 million in UK foreign aid announced this week has been successfully used by Singapore to purchase the Isle of Wight as part of its green energy transition.
The acquisition, described by analysts as “unexpected but completely understandable,” marks a new chapter in Anglo-Asian relations, with Singapore pledging to install a wind turbine by 2033 as part of the agreement “if it gets round to it.”
A spokesperson for the Singaporean government thanked Britain for its generosity.
“We’re deeply touched. We weren’t sure what to spend the money on — so we bought a bit of the country that looked like it still worked.”
Sources say the island will be converted into a full-scale crypto mining hub, with locals deported to Rwanda — a move Singapore insists is “part of its long-term sustainability vision.”
Asked whether this represented a hostile takeover, Singaporean diplomats stressed it was “more of an adoption.”
“The UK clearly wasn’t using it properly. Frankly, we’re doing them a favour.”
Meanwhile, the UK Foreign Office defended the move, saying the aid had “fulfilled its intended purpose of fostering international cooperation and reducing the planet’s carbon emissions by 0.000008465% by 2150.”
Foreign Secretary David Lammy, speaking from an unsustainable development conference in Davos, said:
“This is exactly the kind of forward-looking partnership Britain should be leading — empowering global allies to buy parts of us we can no longer manage, in a spirit of shared climate ambition.”